How to Get Your Life Together in 20 Actionable Steps (Updated for 2023)
Are you searching for ideas on how to get your life together? Do you want this next year to be your greatest year yet, full of fulfilled dreams and completed New Year’s resolutions?
Get your life together once and for all with the practical solutions and motivation you’ll read here. Put these 20 no-nonsense tips to use today and make this your BEST year ever!
1. Stop reacting. Be proactive instead.
Instead of reacting to what life throws at you, or relying on others to determine what paths your life takes, be intentional.
It’s easy to feel rushed, anxious, and plain reactive when trying to “catch up” all the time. Simply planning ahead and then acting on that plan will help you be more in control of your life and feel less stressed overall.
For example, do weekends or school/work days off sneak up on you? Are you left scrambling to find meaningful activities to do?
Instead of allowing the passage of time and other people to dictate how YOU live YOUR life, plan out your days. Live proactively.
Consider planning a month in advance to see if there are holidays, or any school or work days off that are coming up.
Talk with your significant other about what you could do during them, and put it into your schedule. Don’t let those rare opportunities of free time come and go without you fully taking advantage of them.
Another example of how you may be reacting instead of being proactive is with your relationships.
Do you ever wonder why you didn’t get invited to a friend’s party, to hang out with them, or even why you don’t have as many friends as you think you “should?”
Instead of thinking that no one cares about you since no one wants to meet up, stop waiting for others to make the plans for YOUR life. Make them yourself!
Invite friends over to your house. If your place is too small (or too messy) pick a restaurant or another location to meet up at.
Then ACTUALLY pick a time and date to do it. Don’t just say ”Let’s meet up!” because you know that’s never going to happen unless you add it to your calendar.
Google Calendar is free and is a great tool to help you look ahead at your schedule and plan out activities. You can even share invites with other people, so you and your spouse can stay on the same page for what’s going on and when.
2. Live intentionally. Get organized.
Living proactively is similar to living intentionally. However, organizing the other parts of your life, not just your time, is important as well.
Living in a disorganized environment is linked to higher signs of stress!
According to Psychology Today, “Messy homes and work spaces leave us feeling anxious, helpless, and overwhelmed. Yet, rarely is clutter recognized as a significant source of stress in our lives…[it] is one of the easiest life stressors to fix.”
So lower your anxiety and get your house, car, closet, and purse more organized and cleaned out for the new year.
Whether getting more organized for this new year means scheduling your time better by planning ahead, or if it means tracking your finances better, or organizing your house “stuff” and cleaning better, it doesn’t matter.
Moreover, it doesn’t matter to what degree you get organized. You don’t need a “perfectly” organized filing cabinet in order for it to still keep your paperwork filed.
The point is that you should identify areas that need help, and without completely changing how you live, make small adaptations to what you’re already doing, just do it a little better.
This kind of approach of small adaptation is more likely to make the organizational changes you implement actually happen and stick for the long run, as opposed to trying to completely revamp your whole organization system.
“Organization isn’t about perfection it’s about efficiency, reducing stress and clutter, saving time and money, and improving your overall quality of life.” -Christina Scalise (Professional organizer and author of Organize Your Life And More)
What problem area do you have that could be tweaked to make things slightly more organized or easier to deal with?
Oftentimes it's the little things added up that create a better quality of life. Brainstorm ways you can make this problem area easier for yourself to live with, ways you can eliminate the problem entirely, or find tools that help you.
For example, having a neat and tidy bed makes your whole bedroom look that much more clean and organized. Do you need help getting better at making your bed? This simple clip makes this chore a breeze.
It holds the bottom end of your bed together and keeps your covers from getting messed up while you toss at night. Then in the morning, all you need to do is just pull the top up and your bed is made in seconds! Game-changer!
Do you often lose your keys? Designate a key bowl and make sure you ALWAYS drop them in there, or find a pretty key holder that you love, so you look for it when you get home and will better remember to hang them up there.
Do you regularly grocery shop without a meal plan or shopping list in mind? You might be buying random groceries hoping they all come together for a complete meal while consequently buying extras of things you already have and forgetting to pick up things you really need.
Instead, determine exactly what you’ll need for which meals BEFORE you step into the store. You’ll find that you spend less money, your shopping trip takes less time, and you feel less stressed already knowing what meals you’ll be making that week.
If you want to find an actionable plan for organizing one part of your life a little better, read my blog post How to Make a To Do List - Are You Doing It the Right Way? after this.
3. Live within your means.
There’s a reason why financial problems are the leading cause of divorce. But even if you aren’t married, it turns out that the number one cause of stress is still money.
We need money for everything, but that doesn’t mean we should be SPENDING it on everything.
One of the best, yet (for some) hardest ways to really get your life together is to do a better job of tracking your finances.
Your money can determine your future, so TAKE CHARGE of it.
If you don’t tell your money where to go, it WILL disappear. Track every single dollar and see where it’s going. Maybe even consider doing a major undertaking and see how you spent all your money last year. This way you can come up with an informed budget for this year.
Take the time to see where your money is going, what expenses you absolutely have to have, and those you can eliminate. Come up with a new budget, and STICK TO IT.
You’ll find that having a money plan is freeing, and you'll feel less anxious about the future knowing you have a plan in place.
I love using Dave Ramsey’s (money-management expert and creator of Financial Peace University) Every Dollar app as it works great for organizing all your finances right on your phone. It lets you look back at past months’ spending for comparison, and, best of all, it's free.
4. Set attainable goals. Plan your future.
You’ve probably noticed a very common thread, plan ahead!
However, looking at ALL you want to accomplish for the rest of your life can be overwhelming! You have so many huge aspirations, but where do you even begin?
You know what they say, the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. So take the time to really think about what elephants you want in your future and write them down.
Prioritize your goals, because you only have so much time in a day, then break them down into achievable, bite-sized pieces.
If you’re having a hard time thinking about how the heck you’re supposed to get from Point A to Point B, consider working backward from where you want to be, back to where you are now. Then map out an action plan.
Put this action plan somewhere you can see it and be constantly reminded to work towards it.
Add the broken down steps into your calendar and block out time to get them done.
Tell your friends and family your goals. Do this for accountability, so they can assist you on your journey, and so they can CHEER YOU ON along the way.
So what are your short, mid, and long-term goals?
Write them down and then follow the above steps for ALL your goals so you can get cracking on those elephants!
5. Find what works for you. Create effective life routines.
There’s a reason why morning routines and night routines are trending, because they REALLY help make life easier.
Again, this goes hand-in-hand with living with intention, but you can also use routines to stay organized and be proactive.
For example, what if you headed to work with an almost dead phone one day, and that particular day it was critical that someone could get ahold of you for an important work project that was due.
You’d be freaking out! You’d have to rush to buy a charger on the way to work, and then you’d show up late, possibly even getting in trouble with your boss. Ugh!
However, if you had had a nightly routine in place where you ALWAYS plugged in your phone when you went to bed, all that craziness would’ve been avoided.
By the way, if you have a problem remembering to charge your phone at night, this little clip may be just what you need. It keeps your cords organized and right where you want them, like keeping your phone's charger on your nightstand so you see it and remember to plug it in.
Now that was just a random example, but creating habits or routines is how you can keep your life streamlined, on track, reduce overwhelm, and ultimately get your life together.
For the goals you just mapped out, and for your New Year’s resolutions, how can you weave taking small steps towards them into your routines regularly?If you’re feeling uninspired to come up with ideas, check out our blog post all about how to create a healthy morning routine so that you can set a plan in place for working towards your resolutions daily.
6. Be willing to wait. Delay gratification.
How are you going to accomplish your financial goals, or stick to your budget if you have to have your Starbucks coffee everyday?
How will you achieve your New Year’s resolution to lose weight if you have to have that donut in the breakroom, instead of eating the healthy breakfast you brought?
If you want to achieve those goals you just worked so hard mapping out, you’ll have to be prepared to make sacrifices.
Society often pushes the idea that you can have everything you want, that you deserve it ALL, and you deserve it now. But that’s just not reality.
It takes time, dedication, and consistency to reach goals, which I’m certain you know. But in order for you to reach them, sacrifices may be in order, and you need to be mentally prepared to make them so you can STICK TO your resolutions.
Remember that what you’re doing is worth it, and that you’re not saying “No” to a delicious frappuccino for the rest of your life! You’re just saying “No” today.
Passing up on small indulgences now may allow you even greater joy later when you FINALLY reach those dreams you never thought you could.
As Dave Ramsey says, “If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.”
So what could you do to help yourself overcome or avoid a temptation the next time you want to indulge in immediate gratification?
Keeping with the coffee theme, if you know you’ll be tempted to zip through the Starbucks' drive-through on the way to work, maybe make a version of your favorite coffee at home beforehand. Get a cute travel mug, and take that with you to work instead.
If you're enjoying these practical tips on how to get your life together, you'll love our How to Adult guide which embodies the same kind of straightforward approach filled with self-love and motivation. It covers basic life skills with an emphasis on solving hot mess problem areas and goes into more detail of many of the same topics we cover here. Check it out now!
7. Cut out the toxic people. Remove any drama.
Life’s too short to be spending our time with people who make us wish it was even shorter.
Have you ever hung out with someone who left you feeling “blah?" Maybe you've been around people whose negative energy was so profound, you ended up feeling bad for simply being yourself. Perhaps you felt judged or were even ridiculed for how you acted or something you said.
Whatever the case, in order to have a new, joyous year, you need to surround yourself with positive people, or AT LEAST remove those who are stealing your joy.
Also, keep in mind that you’re made up of the five people you surround yourself with, so you may have to ask yourself, have you become a toxic individual?
Maybe it happened slowly over years of hanging out with people who aren’t the kindest to themselves or others, but if you find yourself displaying traits that are harsh or mean, consider why you are saying these things.
If your mother heard you say those words to someone else, would she be PROUD of the woman you’ve become? Would you say those words to a best friend? Would you be okay with your daughter’s friend saying those things to her?
Think about how the toxic words spewing from your mouth (or even your thoughts) make you come across to others.
Having an internal repeating sludge of mental toxicity may be a sign you need to seek help. By getting the unbiased advice of a trained professional, you may be able to pull yourself out of this cycle and then break down why you even have these toxic thoughts to begin with.
As far as seeking out healthier friendships, consider what hobbies you have and see if there are any local groups for them or online communities.
Do you enjoy hiking? There is probably a Facebook group for hikers wanting to meet up in your town. If you’re a runner, do you know anyone else who loves it too? Why not meet up for a girl’s running date?
By focusing on making connections through your healthy hobbies, you’ll be able to make new, better friends with people who already love the same things you're passionate about.
8. Say “No” and set boundaries.
Unfortunately, there are only so many hours in a day, but the good thing is you get to decide what to do with them. And part of how to get your life together includes making sure YOU are actually the one deciding.
That means determining if you’re saying “Yes” to things because you actually want to, or because you’ll feel guilty if you don't.
Would you spend your whole Saturday afternoon cooking food to bring to a volunteering event SIMPLY because someone asked you to, and you’d be a “bad” person if you said no?
You might be the only person who can get your to-do list done, but OTHER people could make the food for that event. You see what I mean?
Know that IT'S OKAY to say “No.”
If you have other activities or things on your to-do list you need to do, stop feeling guilty for needing to get them done!
Protect your time so that you can protect your sanity.
You don’t OWE anyone your time, and in fact you don’t owe anyone an explanation either. Simply saying “Thank you for thinking of me, but I have other plans” or “Thanks for the offer, but I won’t be able to” should suffice.
If the other person respects you and your time, they WON’T press you, but if you are pressed, then maybe that’s a relationship you don’t need to be a part of in the future.
I HIGHLY recommend (and will never stop recommending because it’s so good) the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. No, this is not an affiliate link. I just really believe in the book.
This book is a must-read for everyone, but especially for Christian women as I feel that we're often raised to “lay down” and “be a rug.” We’re taught to sacrifice our own needs in order to be servants to the needs of others.
Read this book if you want help setting HEALTHY boundaries for a new, better year!
9. Take better care of your physical and mental wellbeing.
You’ve probably heard this repeated so many times you’re skipping over this part… You’re saying “I know, I know.” but are you ACTUALLY putting this into practice?
I was talking to an older, wiser friend yesterday who divulged to me that just now, after YEARS of working out to be the “ideal” skinny size for society, it dawned on her that she could instead work out simply because her body needs it.
Now, she doesn't focus on being active for the numbers on the scale, numbers which constantly change, and to which we give way more power over our own opinion of ourselves than they deserve.
I think we could all take a lesson from her in that we shouldn’t focus so much on the fickle scale, but instead work out because our body is healthier when moved regularly, and our minds clearer.
So as you’re about to enter this new season where many try to shed weight fast from the Holidays (and maybe more), don’t focus so much on quick fixes and temporary crash diets.
While we're talking about diets/food, etc. remember George Fuechsel's wise words, "garbage in, garbage out." He was referring to something else, but this idiom can still serve as a simple way to remind you that if you fill your body with unhealthy food, it won't be able to work as well as it could. Give yourself your best chance this new year (or whenever it is that you're reading this) by giving your body the proper fuel it needs to help you be a rockstar.
Now back to physical activity, are there some ways you could be active while also practicing self-love and showing yourself compassion? Think long-term benefits of taking care of your body and try to blend self-care with your physical goals.
And instead of getting overwhelmed with tons of new physically active goals you want to make into habits this year, I dare you to pick only ONE, but stick to it. Of course, after you’ve implemented this new healthy thing and made it a daily routine, you could always add another.
Just don’t forget to actually take time for yourself, because you only get one body after all.
Those other things you want to do, people you want to be there for, you can’t do them well or love them well if you haven’t taken care of yourself first.
“You can't pour from an empty cup.” -Norm Kelly
If you need some ideas on how to take better care of yourself, check out our Pinterest boards: How to Live a Healthier Life and Tips to Improve Your Mental Health, both filled with TONS of information, how-tos, and encouragement to help you get your life together.
10. Realize your passions. Find what motivates and excites you and do more of that.
“What is it you truly desire?” -Lucifer Morningstar (Fictional superhero character from hit TV series Lucifer)
You don’t have to be asked by the “devil” himself to ponder this question. Hopefully your goals you mused over earlier point directly to these, your desires.
Let me ask you, if you got to the end of your life having lived every day how you do now, would you be SATISFIED? My guess is probably not, which is why you're here.
Your life is made up of your years, and your years your days. So fill your days with your passions and you’ll live a happier, more fulfilling life.
What kinds of things get you giddy just thinking about? What really EXCITES you? Do more of these things.
So how can you add more of your passions into your daily life?
Could you pursue a job that is a passion of yours? What if doing that means taking a small pay cut? Could you financially afford it in favor of looking forward to your Mondays instead of hating five days out of seven? Think of how fast your life will fly by if you continue to only live for two days a week!
Do you have enough time to pursue your passions, or do you need to make time for them? Can you schedule them into your calendar and say “no” to something else not as important to you to make room?
Do you have enough money to pursue your passions, or do you need to set up a plan to save for them?
Determine what things give you life, and be intentional about weaving them into your days regularly.
11. Stop people-pleasing and own up to your authentic self.
“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” -Oscar Wilde
If you spent your life pretending to be someone you’re not in order to say, get tons of friends, or to get a certain guy to like you, would you REALLY be happy?
Sure you’d have tons of friends or this great guy, but they wouldn’t really like you for YOU. Do you see what I mean? At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how many people surround us if they don’t love us for who we truly are.
So stop pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s freeing to be authentic!
Maybe you’re already being your true self, and that’s great! But who we are is constantly ebbing and flowing over time and with our circumstances. Be open to this changing, learning, and relearning who you are. Be curious about yourself.
For example, what are your likes and dislikes? There are probably quite a few things you used to dislike that you enjoy now, and vice versa.
Go on a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and self-love.
This ties in with removing toxic people out of your life. Instead of listening to what they or even those who treat you with kindness have said about you, learn who you are APART from their opinions.
Use your passions and desires to really carve out the woman and individual who you are now and be proud of her. Be proud enough of her that you don't pretend to be anything but your authentic self.
Those who love you for the REAL you will stick around.
12. Stop chasing happiness “highs.” Learn to be grateful for what you already have.
Eat those extra donuts, endorphins released.
Avoid doing chores and watch Netflix all day, endorphins released.
Buy junk you don’t need because you’re bored/sad, endorphins released.
In an age where consumerism is so prevalent, we’ve been conditioned to constantly hunt for our next happiness “high.”
Every time we do something like post a picture to Instagram and get tons of attention because of it, we’re spiking our endorphins and getting instant, hormonal happiness.
The issue comes when the excitement has passed. We get that bump, that hit, and then it’s gone, and we need another.
This constant lack of appreciation for what we have and consequential consumerism has led us onto a merry-go-round of chasing temporary bliss. We seek anything that will give us a little joy or satisfaction, anything to give our otherwise dreary existence some excitement!
This is draining, and there aren’t enough pictures “likes” you could get, shopping to do, or donuts to munch on, that will satisfy you long-term.
Stop chasing quick fixes, and focus on being grateful for what you already have around you.
There’s a reason why those who live in poor, dilapidated countries have more joy than those who live in 1st world countries. Because the less fortunate look at every day, those around them, and the few things they have as blessings, instead of looking overtop of them all to the “other side of the fence.”
How can you incorporate more gratitude into your life? Think about or even write down things you’re grateful for.
If you really need help focusing on your own “side of the fence,” check out the Five Minute Journal.
With this helpful reminder, you’ll be able to begin your days feeling blessed and thankful instead of lacking, needy, and anxious.
13. Enjoy the moment. Take things one day at a time.
Along with practicing gratitude and enjoying your own “side of the fence,” comes living in the moment, this one right now.
Don’t allow yourself to constantly be caught up thinking about what you’ll have in the future while not appreciating what’s already with you. If you don’t the years will go by, and one day you’ll realize that you spent all your time looking ahead, never truly enjoying life.
We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive.
- Thich Nhat Hanh (Vietnamese Thiền Buddhist monk and peace activist)
It’s similarly just as easy when you’re only focused on the future and your goals to get overwhelmed with your aspirations. Instead of focusing on how much further you have to go, or how much more you have to do, understand that there is only so much time in a day. You can only push yourself so far.
Take it one day at a time, and slowly build towards your goals. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so be patient with yourself.
Remember that all good things take time. And because they will take time, we might as well enjoy this moment and the journey along the way.
14. Get out of your comfort zone. Take action and push yourself.
So what’s going to make this year DIFFERENT than all the others? How will you make this year the year you get your life together?
You wrote your short, mid-term, and long-term goals. You hemmed and hawed analyzing who you are and what your passions are, and you have some vague idea of what you want your life to evolve into.
But you probably did ALL of this last year, and the year before that...
The difference must be that this time you ACT. You won’t eat the whole elephant if you don’t take that first bite, and then the next, and KEEP GOING until it’s gone.
You’re probably going to have to get out of your comfort zone, push yourself, and do some stuff you find intimidating and scary. I mean there’s a reason why you never accomplished these goals in the past.
But if you want this year to be different, if you want to get your life together for good, you’re going to need to figure out what intimidated you before, and GET A PLAN to overcome it this time around.
Is there something you can do to make these mountains more attainable? Can you ask people who’ve already done these things to help you, or to give you direction or advice?
Come up with a plan and stick to it. Make this year your year for ACTION!
15. Move on from your past.
“Every moment you live in the past is a moment you waste in the present.” -Tony Robbins (New York Times best-selling author and life and business strategist)
A new year means a new you, or so it can if you let it.
The truth is that everyone has done something that they're embarrassed by, ashamed about, or regret having done at some point in their lives.
It’s not about if you’ll make a mistake, it’s about what you do when it does happen, or what you do now that it has.
How do you react? Do you let it cripple you, or do you move on?
A baby doesn’t hold onto and agonize over the fact that yesterday they fell flat on their face while trying to stand up. No. They keep trying and trying. In fact, I doubt they waste time even thinking about that “failure” at all!
But they do LEARN from it. They learn how to not try to stand up next time. And slowly, through continuous, repeated attempts, they become a new, better person, having learned from their “failures.”
How can you use this in your own life? Is there a “failure” that haunts you? What lessons can you extract from the experience?
Suck out all the knowledge you can from it, then fold it up neatly, and tuck it away at the back of your mental sock drawer, never to be pulled out again.
“Failures are part of life. If you don’t fail, you don’t learn. If you don’t learn, you’ll never change.” -Anonymous
16. Shoot for progress, not perfection.
“Done is better than perfect” -Sheryl Sandberg (first woman to serve on Facebook's Board of Directors)
If you spend your days paralyzed by fear of doing something that isn’t perfect, realize that perfection isn’t a reality.
Even if perfection could be attained, your perfect wouldn’t necessarily match someone else’s. So perfection in itself is impossible to reach, and striving towards it is setting yourself up for failure.
If you want this year to be your year of action, you’ll have to give up on this illogical idea. And instead of thinking of all your work being either black or white, realize that there are also shades in between.
In other words, realize that throwing your bed together and having a few unsmoothed wrinkles is still better than it being left completely undone.
Dinner being thrown together and maybe not looking as pretty as it could be doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s still nutritious.
Losing a pound or two is STILL better than where you were before. So what if you didn’t hit that “perfect” number you were aiming for on the scale. You’re still healthier now than you were then.
Don’t let perfectionism keep you from trying to achieve your goals. This year just focus on progress and getting things done.
17. Stop being afraid or ashamed to ask for help.
After so many millennia, odds are that the saying “Nothing is new under the sun” is true.
That means that somewhere, someone is or has already been through what you’re going through.
Somebody knows your struggle and has survived to come out the other end. They have the knowledge to help you, and the experience to be there for you.
So stop with the silly notion that you can do it all on your own. Maybe you can, but you don’t have to.
Allow your loved ones in. Tell them about your problems. They would probably LOVE to help you in any way they can, and even if they can’t, they will still offer you a sympathetic ear or act as a sounding board.
If they can’t offer assistance with what you need, there is most likely an organization out there that can support you.
Just give others the opportunity to be there for you. By not even asking, you remove their option to assist you even if they wanted to. If that was you, wouldn’t you at least want the choice to help your friend if you could?
If you think that asking for help is shameful and would make you a weak person, it doesn’t. Everyone needs help at some point because no one is superwoman, whether we want to believe it or not. No one can do it all herself, and be everywhere or everything to everyone.
Is your problem something minor you can say “No” to and simply take off your plate? Is it something you can get help with by having someone else complete for you? Or is it a necessity, like being able to pay the bills?
If you’re not sure where to start, find a close friend, pour some coffee, and brainstorm together how you can work through or around your situation. What organization or friend has the skills or resources you need to help solve your problem?
Again, there is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. So don’t let a whole new year of opportunities pass you by simply because you’re afraid to say you need a helping hand.
18. Realize that people aren't focused on you. Stop taking things personally.
Most people are too busy thinking about their own lives and themselves to focus on you.
Sound rude? Think about it this way, if you were stuck in a roadblock and someone honked their horn and started cursing out their window, what would their action say about you? Absolutely nothing.
You didn’t do anything to provoke that kind of response as you’re just sitting in your car like everyone else waiting to get through. How that person behaves says more about their circumstances, them running late, or them having unresolved anger issues than it does about you.
How others react says more about them and the issues THEY need to face and work on. Keep this in mind next time you feel personally attacked by someone’s attitude.
Maybe they had a fight with their spouse that morning before work. Maybe their son just got detention for mouthing off in class. Maybe that woman is having fertility issues and is feeling hopeless and angry at the world. Them being crabby and snapping at you most likely isn't your fault.
How they treat you is purely them PROJECTING their own issues onto you.
It may be hard to see this for some, so think about it in the opposite context. Have you ever been so blissfully happy at some point in your life that nothing anybody could have done (within reason) would have put a damper on your joy?
If you had just gotten married to the man of your dreams, would you have stooped to yell at someone about something MINOR and ruin that wonderful day? Probably not.
When most people are in a good place mentally, they won’t “go off the rails” for something small. So if someone does make a giant deal out of something, they're probably going through some stuff, and again, it has more to do with them than it does with you.
Don’t carry the burden of taking everything so personally. Instead, enjoy the RELIEF of knowing you're most likely not the cause of another's actions.
This self-focused attitude traps you by making you feel super self conscious. It makes it difficult for you to freely act yourself, and it gives power to the other person over your life!
Take back your power by understanding that their emotions are their own, because regardless of IF they are judging you, even if they did mean those harsh, critical words, some people will never get along with you or understand you.
I know this can be hard for people pleasers to grasp, but some people will never "get" you, and it doesn’t matter what you do, how you act, how you change yourself for some people, they will never be satisfied or happy with you... But why would you want to bend over backwards for people who are so critical and negative anyway?
“Don't waste your time trying to explain yourself to people that are committed to misunderstanding you.” -Shannon L. Alder
So this new year BE FREE to be your authentic self, unburdened by the need to please others, or the pressures of taking things personally.
19. Put down the burdens that aren’t yours to carry.
Let go of the things you can’t control.
Letting go of things you have no influence over may be difficult for control “freaks,” but no one has control over EVERYTHING. In fact, we have very little control over anything besides our own actions.
We have no control over others, how they behave, or their feelings. We can’t force them to love us or to treat us a certain way.
So much is out of our control…but NOT being in control of all these things is actually a blessing, because it means they are not your responsibility.
As a spouse, we may often feel responsible for how our other half behaves. As a mother, you might feel embarrassment over how your child acts. But how either of them behave is not something you can control.
Their actions are their own, as are their consequences of those actions.
Being an empath makes this especially difficult. We feel for our loved ones and want to help lighten their loads. And it’s not a bad thing to come alongside them, listen to, pray for, sympathize with, and help in any way we can.
But learn to set healthy mental boundaries so other’s problems do not weigh you down, and recognize what are not your burdens to bare.
It is so easy to blur the lines when it comes to loved ones, but you’re not responsible for keeping the peace at family gatherings.
If someone is in a bad mood, it isn’t your responsibility to bend over backwards to make them happy.
You are not responsible for providing financially for others who refuse to help themselves.
We women are amazing, kind-hearted beings who want to save the world, but we can’t if we exhaust ourselves trying to alter things that we ultimately cannot change. Then we can’t help anyone.
You're busy getting your life together so don't waste your time or energy fretting about things you have no control over. Put down these mental burdens you've given yourself.
The next step in this journey for you may be to come to terms with what you do have influence over and give yourself permission to let go of the rest.
20. Stop playing the blame game. Take responsibility for your actions and your life.
Stop blaming others. Ultimately who's responsible for your life and your actions is YOU.
You were the one who procrastinated on your project which lead to a rushed, poorly completed job.
You were the one who took your credit card and racked up that overwhelming amount of debt.
No one stuffed those fatty fast food meals down your throat year after year. It was you.
It’s all you, and I know that’s harsh, but the sooner you admit it the better you’ll be. Because just as much as you have the power to wreck your life, you also have the power to BUILD your life.
It’s your burden but it can also be your blessing, so take responsibility.
By playing the blame game, you’re again giving away your power to someone else. Yes, maybe they are responsible in part, but what you do given your circumstances is still your responsibility.
That may mean owning up to your part of the mistakes.
Even if you’ve hurt someone, they’ll appreciate an apology, and respect you more for admitting your fault than if you’d pretended nothing happened.
So admit your fault, then give yourself the FREEDOM to move forward, learning from the experience and set on not repeating your mistake again.
“A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.” -Paulo Coelho
Now what if you're a woman who did go through the worst of the worst?
Instead of spiraling down into a pit of despair, blaming others for how your life is, you can still take responsibility for what you do NOW.
Will you see yourself as a victim, forever imprisoned by the awful experience thrust upon you by others?
Or will you see yourself as a survivor, a woman who has OVERCOME?! Someone who is stronger, who turned their trauma into something beautiful, something she can use to help and encourage others?
Regardless of the role others have played in your life, the life you are living is ultimately yours.
If you're wondering how to get your life together for good this year, accept your responsibility for your past mistakes and MOVE FORWARD no longer blaming others for theirs. Take back your power girlfriend!
21. (Bonus Tip) Celebrate all your victories, even the tiny ones.
Why can’t every little thing, every little victory be celebrated?
Take the time to BE PROUD of yourself when you finish a task by a certain deadline, stick to your budget for a week, fit into an old favorite dress, or any of the wonderful things on your New Year’s resolutions list.
It’s such a shame that when we get older, people stop celebrating their birthdays. It was a literal party when we were younger. Yet when we become adults, the exact same event happens without a celebration.
Life itself is something to celebrate!
If a best friend said they were finally able to do something they had struggled with for a long time, would you BRUSH it off like you do with yourself? Of course not!
Be your own best friend and PUMP YOUR FISTS!
How can you find ways to celebrate your tiny wins? Just taking the moment to acknowledge what you've done and really pat yourself on the back is a good place to start.
You can use journaling to track your successes and sometime when you’re feeling down, you can look back on them and be encouraged.
You can revisit your journal later and celebrate your accomplishments all over again.
Depending upon the size of the accomplishment you could go out to dinner with friends, or enjoy a mini weekend getaway. Maybe your idea of celebrating is buying cute new shorts, or maybe it’s allowing yourself to indulge in some cake.
Whatever your way of celebrating, whatever reason why, still take time to show yourself some self-love.
Don’t just skip over accomplishments and head straight to the next task, because there will always be another task. We’re a very goal-oriented society that rushes from one thing to the next without stopping to appreciate what we’ve done.
Going down that road could lead you to feeling unaccomplished, unmotivated, drained and burnt out.
Girlfriend, if you checked off a task, if you can cross off a chore, or if you accomplished a goal, it IS a big deal. So reward yourself for your hardwork and effort!
Considering that this year is going to be your year for action, there’s going to be a lot of celebrating in store! How will you be doing it?
So I’m curious, are you going to make this year your year for ACTION or is this just going to be another one of wasted resolutions?
If you didn’t already start on any of the steps outlined earlier, then make the first step you take be ordering our How to Adult guide where I'll be diving even deeper into many of the topics we discussed in this blog post. If you found this helpful, imagine how much more value you'd get out of a 30-day intensive! What have you got to lose? Check it out and see if it would be the right fit for you by clicking here to learn more.
Are you feeling excited to get this year on a roll and finally get your life together? I believe in you girlfriend!
What did you learn from these 20 no-nonsense tips? Are there any activities that you need to go back and reference to work on now? Is there one particular idea on this list that really resonated with you, or anything that you would add? Let me know below.
Be sure to save this post so you can come back later and be reminded what actions you need to take.
Thanks for reading girlfriend! I’ll see you back again soon.